Losing is hard for everyone. However, as adults we know that we can't go around pouting or having a tantrum if we aren't successful at something. How did you learn that, though? Probably from your parents or other authority figures in your life. As a parent it is your job to teach your child how to be successful, but also how to lose, gracefully. And you do that by practicing. Board games are great for this. Many children start to play board games around age three or four (or preschool age) when they have enough skills to follow simple rules and know basic information such as colors, numbers, letters, etc. in order to follow along with the game. As a parent it is natural for you to want to lose every time in order for your child to win and feel successful (and also probably to avoid tantrums and tears). As a nanny of many years, I absolutely understand. I often find myself trying to avoid tantrums at all cost. However, what good does it really do for your children if they think that they will win every time? Also, what happens when they start playing with others besides yourself and they don't win? I have witnessed this many times and it is not pretty!
So what can you do to help your child to play fairly with others and to accept loss if necessary? The answer is to prepare them. Before any game begins go over the rules. Even if you have played this game a hundred times before, it is crucial that your preschooler knows what to expect and that there will be no exceptions to the rules. Also, give examples of things that might occur during the game, for example, "If you land on this space you lose a turn" or "If you land here you get to pick up a card". Make sure to give examples of both negative and positive possibilities. Finally, when you have gone over everything about the game process, talk about what happens when someone wins. Does the game keep going until everyone finishes or wins? Or does the game end when the first person reaches the end? Also, make sure to go over what you say to the person who wins. If your child is not the winner, this point is exceptionally important (and also extremely hard!). Tell your child that it is very important to congratulate the winner because "if it was you, you would want to be congratulated too". "Yeah! You Won!" or "Hurray! You did it!" are great options to say to the winner (keep it very simple and don't go overboard with the compliments), after all, these are the kinds of things you would say to your child if they won. Remind your child about how fun it was to play the game. Acknowledgment of who lost is NEVER necessary.
If your child is the winner make sure that he/ she also knows that it is not nice to brag and that bragging hurts people's feelings. It is a wonderful feeling to win a game and it is definitely OK to feel proud of yourself for your accomplishment, but don't go overboard. Let others congratulate you and always offer to play another time (if there is enough time) so the other person can have another shot.
Now that you have gone over everything and your child feels prepared to start playing make sure you stick to the rules you have set, don't let your child get discouraged along the way, and remember that games are about having fun.
So, be brave and give it a try. It is definitely not going to be easy, especially if your preschooler is already used to winning all the time with you. Just tell them that you are going to try something new and that they will get to learn something new!
This is also not a surefire way to solve this problem and losing is never going to be easy but it should get easier and this should at least help avoid the extreme tantrums! It may also help make the game more fun for you. Remember that the key to success with your preschooler is prepare, prepare, prepare! Remind them of the rules and important key points in the game. Its also a good idea to point out throughout the game how much fun you are having. So get out your child's favorite game and start having some fun!
PRACTICE and PREPARE!
